You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize