I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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