why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
