My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
