i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize