No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
