my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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