I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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