i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
where am i from again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
