why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
nutella sex= disaster
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
