wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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