Your mouth is God's brothel.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
