I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
