you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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