That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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