Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So apparently I’m into choking now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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