obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
