My Higher Power is John Stamos
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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