My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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