i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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