Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh god it's open bar.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
