I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
