i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
