eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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