That's intense
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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