one two three fourrrrnication!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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