Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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