There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just blew my weed a kiss
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize