I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
