I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
