she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize