she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
