why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
