So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
