We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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