i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dicks are not precious.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
