It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
