i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize