somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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