I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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