I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
