why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
