Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
