I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
