I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
