what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize