Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
