.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
