You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
