I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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