That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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