just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
