I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
