Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize