allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
