"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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