where am i from again
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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