Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
