Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize