were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
