My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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