is your mom at the bar?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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