I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
