haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
