I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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